WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Anti-evolution decal depicts natural selection

COLORADO SPRINGS – A fervent creationist has applied to his car a bumper decal that borrows from the ideology he is attempting to refute.

In a scene alluding to conditions that produce competition between organisms for survival and reproduction, the decal depicts a fish labeled “Truth” devouring a hybrid Darwin reptile-fish.

The Truth fish is a descendant of the “Jesus” fish, which continues to thrive in various forms on bumpers across the nation. The bumper ecosystem also supports a wide variety of other decals, such as the Buddha fish, the UFO fish and the Flying Spaghetti Monster fish.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Memory loss linked to something

Memory loss linked to something

RALEIGH-DALTON – A study published in a prominent magazine made a conclusive link between memory loss and something that starts

Southerner In New York City Unable To Find Decent Bowl Of Grits

Southerner In New York City Unable To Find Decent Bowl Of Grits

NEW YORK – A tourist to New York City reports that he was unsuccessful in his search for a properly

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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