WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Aliens learn to camouflage their ships as lens flares

MUNCIE, IN – Extraterrestrials traveling to Earth have refined methods to evade detection, including one that allows them to hide in plain sight: appearing to be a mere lens flare.

Photographers who spot UFOs and attempt to capture images of them have been frustrated by this new technique.

“It sucks, what can I tell you?” said Jeff Neary, an avid ufologist and amateur photographer. “You stake out these locations brimming with alien activity, and set up your camera. You see the UFO, you get the shot, and look what shows up.”

Neary indicated a series of blurry photos that he claims are of alien spacecraft in flight.

“They cloak their ships to look like lens flares,” said Neary. “Experts look at the picture and dismiss it. It really hurts our credibility as UFO hunters.”

Neary subsidizes his UFO hunting with a service he provides photographing orbs for owners of haunted homes.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Motorist reports unsafe driver with mobile phone

Motorist reports unsafe driver with mobile phone

SHERIDAN, CA – A responsible driver called in to authorities to report a reckless driver who was applying makeup on

Physics major roommate pain in ass on movie night

Physics major roommate pain in ass on movie night

COLLEGE CITY – Third year physics major Reed Milledge knows his subject, but can be a real buzz kill when

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top