WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

10 amazing tips for padding your productivity lists

Bonus tip #11: Use a relevant graphic to paraphrase one of the other tips.

Everybody out there has lists of hints that will make you more productive. Your list has only 3 or 4 good, solid points. Here’s how to stretch that list and make a more attractive headline.

  1. Make a couple of them up. People reading blogs aren’t going to bother verifying your tips if they’re interspersed with some they know to be true.
  2. Be repetitive, but restate. You can sneak at least two or three identical entries in if you word them carefully.
  3. Sprinkle in some buzzwords. Synteractive. There, I just gave you a new one.
  4. Start early. Who can argue with a platitude like that? Everybody knows it, but if you’re going to pad a list, start stating the obvious.
  5. State the obvious. See #2.
  6. Recap if necessary. Sometimes people just skim these lists, so you need to hit them with the best stuff a few times.
  7. Don’t hold back. Another case of dicere obviosa.
  8. Use a relevant graphic. Refer to it, as seen here with the specialized “productivity” key.
  9. Make a pun. The “key” to productivity. Like in the graphic. Get it?
  10. Finish strong. Make the readers feel that they’ve achieved something by reading your distended ramblings. They likely won’t take anything away except a warm glow for having participated actively in their own improvement. Kudos to you!
Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Family Cat Establishes New Waking Hours

Family Cat Establishes New Waking Hours

EUGENE, OR – Cinder, the grey cat who resides with the Matthews family, has introduced a revised schedule of sleep

Declassified Memo: Katrina determined to strike in U.S.

Declassified Memo: Katrina determined to strike in U.S.

WASHINGTON, DC – A recently declassified Presidential Daily Briefing dated August 26, 2005 details advance intelligence of Hurricane Katrina’s plans

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top